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Translation’s for women’s personal ads

40-ish – 49
Adventurous – Slept with everyone
Athletic – No tits
Average looking – Ugly
Beautiful – Pathological liar
Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure – On medication
Feminist – Fat
Free spirit – Junkie
Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person
Fun – Annoying
New Age – Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded – Desperate
Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate – Sloppy drunk
Professional – Bitch
Voluptuous – Very Fat
Large frame – Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate – Stalker

What women say, and what they actually mean

  1. Yes = No
  2. No = Yes
  3. Maybe = No
  4. We need = I want
  5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
  6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
  7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
  8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
  9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
  10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

What men say, and what they actually mean

  1. I am hungry = I am hungry
  2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
  3. I am tired = I am tired
  4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
  5. I love you = let’s have sex now
  6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
  7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
  8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
  9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
  10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
  11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay

And finally…..

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE
OF HUMOUR!!!

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