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Boere Computer Dictionary from South Africa

  • Monitor – Keeping an eye on the braai
  • Download – Get the firewood off the bakkie
  • Hard drive – Trip back home without any cold beer
  • Keyboard – Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
  • Window – What you shut when it’s cold
  • Screen – What you shut in the mosquito season
  • Byte – What mosquitoes do
  • Bit – What mosquitoes did
  • Mega Byte – What mosquitoes at the lake do
  • Chip – A bar snack
  • Micro Chip – What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
  • Modem – What you did to the lawns
  • Dot Matrix – Oom Jan Matrix’s wife
  • Laptop – Where the cat sleeps
  • Software – Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC
  • Hardware – Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers
  • Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed
  • Mouse Pad – Where the mouse takes the grain it does not eat
  • Mainframe – What holds the shed up
  • Web – What spiders make
  • Web Site – The shed (or under the verandah)
  • Cursor – The old bloke what swears a lot
  • Search Engine – What you do when the bakkie won’t go
  • Yahoo – What you say when the bakkie does go
  • Upgrade – A steep hill
  • Server – The person at the pub that brings the lunch
  • Mail Server – The post man
  • User – The neighbour what keeps borrowing things
  • Network When you have to repair your fishing net
  • Internet Complicated fish net repair method
  • Netscape When fish maneuvers out of reach of net
  • Online When you get the laundry hung out
  • Off Line – When the pegs don’t hold the washing up

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